


Is This Love?

by 5021Vicxo



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Bi Jay Halstead, Domestic Violence, Hurt Jay Halstead, Jay Halstead Whump, Manipulated Jay, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Mouse, halstead brothers, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29160480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5021Vicxo/pseuds/5021Vicxo
Summary: Jay has had many different relationships in the past, will this be the one to push him to a breaking point? He sees things at work but never seems to see how relatable they truly are. Can his family pull him up and open his eyes to what's going on?
Relationships: Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz & Jay Halstead, Jay Halstead & Original Male Character(s), Jay Halstead & Will Halstead
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	1. I'm Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> I know you're all waiting for an update on 'Keep on Marching on' - its coming I swear!  
> One of my modules at uni explores domestic violence/abuse and somehow after a very stressful few weeks in the house (oh girls) and a heavy couple lectures my brain dreamt this story up.  
> Updates will probably not be consistent but hey ho. I don't know why I keep hurting him but here we go I guess.
> 
> Please lemme know what y'all think,  
> enjoy?  
> all love,   
> Vx

“Hey yo, Halstead? You coming to Mollys?” Jay heard Adam call across the bullpen to him.  
Sighing while shaking his head he responds with a strong but despondent “Nah, not tonight man, sorry.”

He started to grab his jacket, pocketing his phone whilst tuning out the grumbles and groans from the rest of the unit as they head down to stairs to leave for the bar. Turning to leave out the back door, Jay noticed Voight stood in the doorway to his office and nodding his acknowledgement, he was stopped with a hand to the shoulder.

“A word, Halstead.” Voights gruff voice rang out.  
Jay snuck a glance at his watch, knowing he needed to be out and home soon but also not able to say no to his boss, he shook his head and followed Voight into his office.

“Everything alright Sarge?” he asked, trying for an air of normality.  
“That’s what I was about to ask you, the guys are worried about you.”  
“Sarge, I’m fi-”  
“Yeah, I know you’re going to say you’re fine and that everything’s ok. I’m just giving you a heads up that if you need anything, the guys would be happy to help and listen. And Halstead, so would I.”

Jay looked up at his sergeant in surprise, eyes shining, but pushed those feelings aside as he tapped Voight on the arm and pulled his phone out of his pocket with a “thanks Hank. But I’m good, swear.”  
Voight nodded his acceptance and let his detective go, calling out a goodbye and a “see you tomorrow kid.”

Rushing to his car, Jay hopped in and threw his phone, bag and jacket onto the passenger side, and sped off. Forgetting to send a message as to why he was running late.

Twenty minutes later he arrived back at his apartment and taking a breath, walked through the front door.  
He was met with silence, a filled table, but silence. And no Sam.

Kicking off his shoes and placing them neatly by the door, Jay ventured further into the apartment to find Sam standing leaning in the gap between the kitchen and the living room, beer in hand.  
“You missed dinner.”  
“I know. I’m sorry, Voight needed me for something about the case. I should have messaged.”  
Sam shook his head and took another swig of the beer.  
“You missed dinner.”  
Jay just sighed and nodded his head, not knowing what else Sam wanted from him at this point.  
“I was worried. You didn’t call, you didn’t text.”  
“I’m sorry.”

Sam placed his now empty beer bottle on the counter and headed to tidy up the dishes from dinner, Jay stood back watching his body language, trying to gauge how tonight was going to play out. He watched Sam collect the plates, the cutlery and carry them to the sink, he heard the clatter as he slammed them down, controlling the flinch.  
“Want me to help?” he asked slowly, looking up at Sam before quickly looking back down seeing the look in his eyes.  
“No, don’t worry yourself with it. You’ve had a busy day at work.” Jay caught but ignored the tone and attitude used and just continued on into their bedroom, placing his gun in the safe.  
Changing from his jeans to a pair of sweatpants, Jay thought back over the day, the case was going nowhere, it was bringing up unwanted memories, the guys were asking questions and Voight was checking up on him. All in all, not a great day. He decided it would be best to relax with his boyfriend and so turned to walk back to the kitchen to see if there was anything he could do to help.  
“Catch” was all the warning Jay had before he was hit in the jaw by something hard and cold. The object smashed onto the floor after bouncing off his jaw, the wetness seeping into his socks.  
“Oh come on. Why’d you have to go and make a mess for. Look what you’ve done” Sam said pointing down to the broken beer bottle on the floor at his feet.  
“Wait but I-” Jay tried to defend himself but was immediately cut off by Sam once again,  
“I thought you were supposed to have quick reflexes, you know being a soldier and all.” he snickered. Jay did nothing more than sigh as he crouched down to tidy the bits of glass off the floor before grabbing a cloth to wipe the contents up, not without receiving a few little cuts on his fingers and hand from the sharp edges.

Once that was all tidied up and they were both sat on the couch watching a film, ‘The Take’ to be specific, Jay wasn’t really paying attention, his mind on his partners legs over his own, and the case. Nothing seemed to be going their way, every lead was dead and three days into this case they were being told by the white shirts to give it up to homicide and move onto the next. But Jay knew Voight wouldn’t do that until there was literally nothing else they could do, they would be recanvasing and retaking statements in the morning to find any discrepancies or just anything that might help them figure this thing out.  
Jay was snapped out of his reverie by a bomb going off on the screen. Flinching away and reaching to his side for his firearm, while hitting Sam in the process. The second his hand connected with the skin on Sam’s ankle, Jay snapped back to it, and he jumped off the couch to get as far away as he could without leaving the room.  
Sam watched Jay flinch, watched him reach for his gun and then back himself up against the far wall.  
“What was that?” he asked, voice low.  
“I don’t know, sorry.”  
“No, you just reached for your gun! What the hell were you going to do?” he said, voice getting louder.  
“I’m sorry, I-I- I thought that- bomb” was all he was able to stutter out.  
“Wow, were you really not paying attention? That hurts Jay.”  
“What?”  
Jay watched as Sam stood up and placed his beer bottle on the coffee table. His heart hadn’t stopped pounding but he knew his breathing had sped up a little as Sam held out a hand to him to lift him off the wall. Confusion washed over his face but he was quick to mask it with a small mumbled “thanks”.  
“It’s getting late” Jay noticed, voicing his thought out loud, which had Sam nodding in agreement. He was pulled into a hug, Sam placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head as his fingers carded through his hair. Jay felt himself start to relax, his arms dropping to rest at Sam’s hips, holding him close, accepting this moment of kindness. It reminded him of when he first got together with Sam, the gentle touches, the soft voice. This trip down memory lane was cut short however when Sam whispered in his ear “think you should sleep on the couch tonight?”  
Jay froze, Sam had worded it as a question but he knew it was a statement. Which he could do nothing but nod his reply to.

The next morning, Jay awoke early, whole body stiff from the couch. Standing up, stretching and clicking everything, he headed to the kitchen to make a coffee for himself and Sam.  
Once the pot had finished brewing Jay filled a cup for Sam and headed to the bedroom, gently knocking on the door.

“Hey, I brought you a coffee.” he said, placing it on the nightstand at Sam’s side, dropping a light kiss onto his forehead.  
“Morning” was his response, as Sam rolled over to sit up. “You feel any better?” he asked Jay.  
“Yeah, all good.” he lied, nightmares having kept him up most of the night, documentaries on the tv being his only distraction.  
“I have to head to work soon though, I’ll keep you updated through the day, I’ll let you know if I’m going to be late again.” Jay continued softly, still crouched at the side of the bed.  
“Yeah, don’t worry about it” Sam said, “don’t want you getting distracted at work”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jay said, suddenly overrun with confusion and frustration, “you know how important this job is, you know how busy I am.”  
“More important than me?” Sam butted in, Jay tried to ignore him and continued with a sigh.  
“When I can, I’ll message you but for now I’m going to get ready for work” he finished, turning around to head to the shower.

Heading back to the bedroom to say bye to Sam, he was met with a cold stare and a cheek when he leant in for a kiss.  
“I’m off, I’ll text you later.”  
“Yeah.” was the only response he got.  
Looking at his boyfriend with pleading eyes, Jay let out a sad breathy “Sam, come on” to which he was given a sad smile as Sam said “don’t get distracted.”  
Jay shook his head, smiling slightly, trying to hide the hurt in his eyes.  
He was stopped on his way towards the door when Sam called out “you always look hot with a bruise on your face”.  
Jay blanched, he completely forgot about the bottle and the bruise, and spent the remainder of his journey to work trying to think up a new excuse as to why he had a bruise on his jaw when he left work without one last night. 

‘Fuck’ Jay thought ‘what would they believe this time?’


	2. Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey.
> 
> I have absolutely no idea what this chapter is...  
> lemme know if you have any thoughts or comments or anything.  
> all mistakes are mine as always,  
> enjoy!
> 
> Vx

It had been three days since Halstead had walked into the bullpen that morning with dark circles under his eyes and a dark bruise forming on his jawline. Voight knows he sent him home late evening yesterday so either he went to a bar and got in a fight, Jay was going through it again. Only thing he had to do was try to figure out how.  
Leaning in the doorway to his office, Voight looked out at his team. Everyone was sitting at their desks getting caught up on paperwork as they had been taken off call to get through the backlog they seemed to have built. It was nearing the end of shift and he couldn’t help but watch Jay the longest.  
In the five minutes he had been paying close attention to him, Jay had: refilled his coffee, zoned out exactly four times and had checked his phone exactly six times. He had noticed Jay's eyes stray toward his phone way more often than usual this shift but as the time drew closer to the end of the day he seemed to be getting more antsy.

Voight knows that Jay knows he can come to him, and can trust him. But he also knows that his detective likes to keep a lot of things, personal things, close to the vest. So getting him to open up about whatever the hell was going on would prove to be a challenge.  
One week, Voight decided, give him one more week before he intervened.

This shift had been rough on Jay. He had been the most tired today, caffeine only doing so much to help him. The glare from his computer screen was causing a strain on his eyes, which was leading to the build up of a migraine, the tell tale signs were all there; vision going fuzzy, words blurring, the pounding behind his eyes. But it was a paperwork day and he had already told Sam that it was, so he was expected home at 5:30 no later. So give him a break if he's checking the clock every five minutes.  
At about 4:30, Jay noticed Voight watching him out of the corner of his eye as he rubbed his forehead again and reached for some more pills. He quickly turned back to his computer hoping to pass for normal but knew he had failed the moment he heard Voight sigh and clear his throat. Hailey, Adam, Kevin and Kim looked up but looked away when Voight shook his head, Jay had yet to look over, knowing that it was him Voight was after. Voight cleared his throat again and crossed his arms, a movement Jay caught in the corner of his eye again. But he ignored, again.  
“Halstead.” ok, yeah that public call out he cannot ignore.  
Jay looked up and over to Voight, leaning in the doorway to his office, a blank but slightly annoyed expression on his face.  
“Sarge.” Jay replies, short and quiet.  
“My office. Now.” with that he turned back into his office, not looking back at the team sitting in the bullpen looking between the two men. Jay sighed, shook his head at Hailey’s concerned glance and braced himself for whatever was about to go on once he stepped over the threshold. Checking the time on his phone one last time, 4:45, he shut the door to Voight’s office.

“Sit down Halstead” Voight started.  
“I’m good where I am, thanks,” Jay replied, holding his hands behind him. 

Voight looked over at his detective, studied the way he held himself, the way his eyes kept flicking over to the clock on the wall. 

“Jay. What’s going on?” he tried, starting gently.  
“Nothing. Sarge, I promise, nothing is going on. I don’t know what you’re after but you’re not going to get it here.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?” Voight could feel himself getting angry, Jay had gone on the defensive and was going to last out, the only way to get anything now would be to push.

“This past week, the way you’ve been looking at me, all of you, it’s like you’re waiting for me to break. I’m fine, I don’t get why you’re all so worried all of a sudden. I’m not going to snap, I’m not going crazy, I’m fine.” Jay blew up.  
Voight raised an eyebrow, so he was going with anger and pushing him away then.

“Yeah Jay because that screams fine. You look like you haven't slept all week, you’ve zoned out more times than I can count today and - Halstead - why do you keep looking at the clock?” He finished his calm sentence with a yell frustrated that his subordinate was seemingly distracted even during their talk.  
“Jay. I’m just looking out for you, I’m doing my job. If you’re jammed up again,” he gestured to the fading bruise on his jawline’ “you need to tell me so that I can help you.”  
Jay scoffed, “you think I’m jammed up? You think that the only reason that something could be potentially wrong is because I messed up or because I fell off the edge again. That this is my fault?” shaking his head and chuckling low Jay continued, “I’m fine, nothings wrong, so just back off and stop treating me like a kid.” he yelled out storming out of the room and grabbing his jacket from his desk he stormed down the stairs to his truck and drove off.

Voight sighed, slammed his door shaking his head and looked at the clock on his phone. 5:10. Jay and himself had been in silence for a short while before and during the whole blow up, but he didn’t realise how long they had been talking - arguing - well, Jay fighting Voight taking it and trying to stay calm. He quickly typed out a text to Jay, to make sure he didn’t break anything or himself of his rage drive home and to make sure he knew they were alright and that he expected him in work in the morning.  
Sitting at his desk he looked out the window at the members of Intelligence who were sat trying to look subtle while watching the office door during it all and not wanting to leave during or after for fear of further blow ups. Voight watched as they all one by one finished their reports, shut their computers down and got ready to leave before trickling out of the bullpen.

‘Oh kid. What have you gotten yourself into this time?’ Voight wondered.

Jay looked at the text from Voight as he slammed the door to his truck shut. Shaking his head he slightly pales at the time at the top of the phone. 5:45. He was late, he was 15 minutes late. That's not too bad right? It’ll be fine, right?  
He bit the bullet and walked through the door to his apartment, toe’d his shoes off - placed them neatly at the door and hung his jacket up and walked into the kitchen.  
Before he had the chance to turn the corner, he was pinned against the wall and lips were on his neck. He smiled, rested his head against the wall and ran his hands up the back of the man holding him in place. 

Sam.

Jay let out a breathy moan as Sam sucked on a sensitive part of his throat, “Sam?” he said, not knowing where he or this was going.  
“You’re late.” he said, voice quiet as he nipped at his neck, teeth grazing.  
“I know I’m sorry. Voight -” Jay got cut off when the lips moved to his mouth.  
“Shh,” Sam started, “I’m sick of the excuses, what do you want Jay?”  
At this, Jay pushed his head further into the wall, trying to pull away to see Sam’s face. He was confused, “What do you mean by that?”  
“What do you want?” Sam nipped at his neck again, “it's a simple question.”  
‘Still confused’ Jay thought, “umm - right - right now? Or?” thoughts not piecing together, whatever Sam was doing on his neck was really pulling him apart.  
A low throaty chuckle bounced off of Jay, the air on his sensitive neck making his knees weak, “what do you-” this time Jay was the one to cut Sam off, pulling his face up to meet his lips once again as he pulled him towards their bedroom, gentle laughs and kisses shared between the two.

Jay lay in bed later that evening, the first time in a few days, and was lost in his thoughts. Sam had acted like the man he first came to know, happy, carefree and loving Sam. he could chalk it up to him missing him due to the mental distance between them this week or because Jay was busy with work or because they weren’t sharing the same bed on a night anymore. Either way Jay felt that he was at fault, he knew there were some things he could control and others he could not but he should have been able to control himself and his time enough to be able to share a bed with his partner.  
Sam was in the shower so Jay thought he would surprise him with drinks, snacks and a movie in bed. Quickly throwing some clothes on, he headed out to the kitchen in search of Sam's favourite food, and a couple bottles of beer while grabbing his favourite movie on his way back to the bedroom.  
He placed everything on the bed, put the disc in the tv and waited for him to come out.  
He heard the shower turn off, and a couple minutes later Sam stepped out of the shower in his boxers and one of Jay’s old academy tees. Stepping towards the bed, Sam let out a soft laugh “what’s all this then?” he said looking at the array of food set up in the middle of their bed.  
“Just uh - just something to say sorry. For how distant I’ve been. We haven’t felt right for a few days now and that's on me. I’m going to try harder to be better and it’ll be alright. I love you and I’ve missed you these past couple days. So - yeah - I’m sorry.” he ended his strong speech with a mumble, suddenly feeling self conscious with the way Sam was looking at him.

“Aw Jay. I know you’re busy and your job’s important. I get it, I really do but I have missed you and I hate when you get sucked into a case. But I appreciate you trying to be better. I love you too.” Sam replied, gently climbing into bed next to him. Noticing the movie case, Sam let out a laugh “wait, you don’t like this movie?” Jay just smiled back at him, eyes wide and soft, “yeah but you do.” Sam just smiled and kissed him again, looking down and laughing when he sees that Jay is also wearing one of his old tees.

“Oh my - we really need to get our own wardrobes back.” Jay laughed.  
“Yeah? Or just don’t leave me to sleep alone again, be better.” Sam replied, voice as soft as ever and a sad smile on his face.  
Jay let out a small sigh “I’m sorry. I’m trying”  
“I know” Sam replied, pulling Jay down so they could cuddle while watching the movie.

Well this day ended differently to what he had imagined, ‘relax’ Jay thought to himself ‘he had a bad day, you apologised, you’re all good’.

Jay nuzzled further into Sam’s arms, feeling his eyes drift shut praying for the peace to last a while.


	3. Don't You Love Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! hope everyones alright? big chapter for y'all today.  
> I wrote this instead of starting my DV essay so whoops?  
> also just putting out a TRIGGER WARNING FOR RAPE/NON CONSENSUAL SEX AND CHOKING - im so sorry I don't know why I do this to him...
> 
> please let me know what you think - as always any and all mistakes are mine,  
> Vx

After that night, Sam had seemed to calm down and back off some. Everything was almost back to normal, he didn’t get as angry as often, didn’t get mad if he was late home, as long as he told him first, everything was good.  
Jay was paying attention at work, almost back to the top of his game, on the ball and working cases without the concerned glances from his team mates. Voight still kept a close eye on him but that was to be expected, once that man smelt potential danger, he wouldn't get over it. 

Jay sighed as he looked over the file once again, he was sitting on the couch in Med’s ED staff lounge, waiting for Will to go over some things for their most recent case. There had been a string of overdoses and Will was the one to notice the link so Voight had sent him to get more information, and because he knew it had probably been a while since the two brothers had seen each other. The fact to which Jay could not argue. He hadn’t seen Will in what felt like ages, but was probably more like a month or two, he had missed his brother as they had grown closer since Will had moved back to Chicago, being the only people they had left. But they were both busy with work and Jay wanted to spend his time off with Sam because he lives with him but never really gets to spend time with him. He knows he should make a better effort with Will but Sam always asks to spend time, have dinner together, watch a movie, and he understands why. He has a stressful job, for both him and the partner, he sometimes spends the night or week in the station or out on a stake-out, sometimes he goes undercover and so has to stop all contact for however long it takes - so he understands that Sam worries and wants to spend time with him when he has the hours to spare.

“Jay?” Will says for the third time, placing a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder trying to get his attention. He had been late meeting his brother, some emergency that needed his attention so when he finally made his way to the staff lounge a number of apologies fell from his mouth, to which he got no response, he grew worried. After calling his name a few times he realised how out of it Jay was. He laughed as he tried his third attempt of gaining his attention, but stopped when he felt him flinch under his hand.  
“Hey, woah. It’s just me. Hi”  
“Will.” Jay replied, trying to calm his racing heart, running his hands over his face.  
“Yeah? You alright?” he asked, concerned.  
“Yeah, I’m good. Sorry just this case,” he sighed, “Could really do with your input?”  
The brothers got to work, piecing together what Will knew medically and had seen come through the ED while Jay threw in his input from their side of it all. After about an hour and a bit Jay had gotten all he could out of Will, and was in the process of putting his jacket back on when Will cleared his throat.  
“So,” he started, awkwardly, “haven't seen you in a while. Are you doing ok?”  
Jay was slightly taken aback, not really knowing what to say, “um, well, uh,” he stammered, “works just been busy but yeah I’m alright.” he brushed his worry off.  
Will didn’t believe him but he looked like he was sleeping and wasn't on edge so he couldn't really pull him on anything other than not seeing him in a while.  
“Alright then. You and Sam ok? Is he treating you well?” he added with a chuckle.  
Jay blanched “Yeah, he’s perfect. Why?”  
“Just asking, jeeze.” Will replied hands up in surrender “I’m your big brother let me act like it. I’m going to tease you.”  
“Yeah? Sorry bro.”  
With that the brothers hugged, clapping the other on the back as Jay headed out to the station, before he got out the doors Will called out “meet me at Mollys later, love you!” to add to the teasing, Jay just blushed and threw a finger over his head, not turning back to see the chaos of the ED watching them.

With the input from Will, Intelligence was able to compile the rest of the information needed to plan and execute a raid. Getting the guys responsible for the fourteen overdoses in the past two weeks, they also managed to get the crew for smuggling charges.  
“Good job today guys, get yourselves out of here, and buy Dr Halstead a drink.” Voight told the team as they were packing their gear away in the roll up.  
“Meet you guys there? Last one buys a round” Adam said with a laugh as he heads out to his car with Kim.  
“You coming? Or want a lift?” Hailey asked, turning to Jay, who just shakes his head with a smile, “I gotta run home first, I’ll be there and I’ll pick Will up on the way. Promise” he adds after Hailey raises a brow at him.  
“Ok, see you soon.”  
“Yeah.”

‘Fuck’ he thinks, what to do.

Unlocking his front door, he chucks his keys onto the side table and toes off his boots, rounding the corner looking for Sam. When he didn't immediately find him, Jay heads off to their room, hoping for a quick shower and a change of clothes, needing to wash off the long day that was making him feel dirty. Stepping out of his clothes and under the warm spray, he runs his hands through his hair, eyes closing as he replays different events through his life. His childhood wasn’t the best, he accepts that and he’s moved on. His brother left for college and med school and he joined the rangers. The different paths they had chosen led them astray from the other, reconnecting briefly for their mothers funeral before Jay had to go finish his tour and Will had to go back to New York. He and Mouse were shot and their humvee blown to pieces, them being the only two from their unit to survive. Coming back to the states, struggling and fighting with each other and themselves to fix what that damned country had broken and bring back what it had stolen. Joining the police and getting into intelligence, Mouse joining him, then Mouse leaving him again, Abbey appearing, Erin leaving him, shooting that little girl and meeting Sam in a bar where he was trying to get black out drunk before leading him back to his apartment. Which all lands him here, two years down the line, in an apartment with Sam, who he loves and is sure loves him. But he can’t help but feel like he is missing something, someone. He knows he is missing out on nights at Mollys with the boys and watching the game with his big brother but Sam always says that they're together, he helped him come back so he should want to spend time with him. Is that a crime? He spends all day at work with his unit, does he need to spend his evenings with them too? Or is he allowed to spend his days off, his evenings with his boyfriend, his partner?  
Shaking the water off his hair, he steps out of the shower, going to dry and redress as he hears a key turn in the lock.  
“Jay? You home already?” he hears Sam call out for him.  
“Yeah, I’m in the bedroom, just getting changed.” he replies.  
“Where are you going? I just got back?” Jay hears him say as he sees him lean against the doorframe, blocking his exit.  
“Mollys with the team and Will. We finally got the guys for the drug trafficking and overdoses, with Wills help so were celebrating and-”  
Sam cuts him off, “wouldn't you prefer to let off some steam here though? Celebrate with me?” he says with a smirk.  
Jay sighs, “well yeah, you know I would but I promised the team, I’ll see you when I get back, I won’t be late I promise.” he almost pleads, not believing they are about to get into this same argument again.  
“Can I come?” The question shocks Jay, Sam had never asked to go out with his unit with him.  
Smiling at this sudden change of heart Jay lets out a breathy laugh “yeah, come on. We need to pick Will up on the way.”

Before he knows it, all three are sitting in the car, a quick look from Will to Jay, trying to hide his shock as he greets the couple in the front. The conversation in the car was short and awkward, which luckily for all involved didn’t have to last any longer as they pulled up outside of the much loved pub. Will hopped out and crossed the road first as Jay and Sam slowly got out.  
“I know I’ve already met them but how prepared do I need to be?” Sam asked, weirdly looking worried, so Jay puts one of his arms over his shoulders, chuckling slightly, whispering in his ear, “don’t worry, you’ll be fine, as always.” he kissed him lightly on the cheek, not one for PDA and took his arm away from Sam’s shoulders. Sam walked on turning to Jay with a smirk, and made sure to have a hold of his hand before they entered through the front doors. 

“There he is!” he heard Adam shout, and watched as Hailey informed them they all owed her and Kim 50 bucks for doubting him, which made Jay furrow his brows and Sam to tighten his grip on Jay’s hand.  
“What did I miss?” he asked, laughing through his worry.  
“Oh just that you wouldn’t make it out again,” Adam replied, before correcting himself after a smack over the head from the girls, “but glad you did, and that you brought Sam too! Nice to finally be back out with you both.”  
The two boys just smiled at him, before Sam offered to go to the bar.  
“You ok?” Will asked quietly, looking at his younger brother.  
“Yeah, I’m fine, drop it.” Jay quietly snapped back, turning back over to Sam as he reappeared with a beer each for them. 

The night was going well, everyone was sufficiently buzzed, Kim had just left, taking Adam, Hailey and Kevin with her, leaving the Halsteads and Sam. They had all spent the past four hours swapping stories, everyone trying to embarrass Jay with stories of him from work or his childhood, Jay could do nothing but sit there and drink. It took a lot to get Jay drunk, they all knew this but they had all watched as he knocked back drink after drink, getting quieter and quieter as the night went on. So as the others left, Hailey threw Will a look, asking him to keep an eye on him and Will sent one back asking to have his back at work.  
It took another half hour or so, Will having swapped over to drink soda, Sam still slowly drinking his beer as he passes Jay another whiskey, before Will suggested that they call it for the night, Jay again staying silent just looking over at Sam.  
“Come on man, we should get him in a cab and get him home.” Will tried.  
“Hey! Back off, I know what I’m doing just let me deal with him” Sam bit back, startling Will with his tone.  
“Woah, calm down, he’s my brother I’m just looking out for him. He’s had a rough few weeks. I just want to make sure he’s alright.” Will said, trying to stop the possessive fight before it happens.  
“Yeah I get that but he’s my boyfriend, I think I can get him home.” he glared at Will before turning to Jay and resting a hand on his shoulder, squeezing harder than he should be to pull his attention away from his fingers playing with the still full glass in front of him.  
“Ok, come on. We’re going home,” he pulled Jay to his feet, helping him out the door before he could even say bye to his brother “don't call him later. He doesn’t need the extra pressure.”

Will just watched them go, watched as the door shut behind them and turned back to the table, helping carry the remaining glasses to the bar, sighing.  
“What was that about?” Stella Kidd asked from behind the bar as she wiped down a glass.  
“I have no idea.” Will just sighed and hung his head again.  
“I don’t want to over step Will but you need to keep and eye on that one. Jay didn’t seem like himself tonight, and I’ve seen too many guys like Sam in my time.” she said, resting a supportive hand on his arm.  
Will just looked up confused, tilting his head asking “what do you mean guys like Sam?”  
Stella’s eyes got softer and her face fell just a little more, “it’s not my place but keep an eye on him. I don’t like the look he had on his face and the way he was holding Jay tonight, like he felt very possessive and wanted to show Jay was his. We all know Jay doesn’t do emotions or PDA or drink that much in a place where people know him.” Will was still slightly confused but was understanding a bit more, not wanting to believe what she was implying.  
“Just watch him.”  
With that Will smiled at her, passed her an extra twenty, “take it, thank you” and left, feeling sober enough to drive Jay’s truck back to his and then get an uber from Jay’s to his place.  
He looked up at what he knew was Sam and Jay’s apartment and saw the main light still on, but not wanting to disturb or anger he quickly booked the cab and went home to some much needed rest.

In the apartment Jay had still yet to say anything, this level of drunk he would either spill all in a rage or go silent, tonight he had picked silence.  
"You looked so hot tonight. Everyone had some funny stories to tell about you, what would they think if I told them some of my own of you? Huh?" Sam said with a smirk. "So hot drinking that whiskey and looking me with those big sex eyes. Looking at me with that smile that drives me mad, I hope you don't smile at anyone else like that. Mine, my smile, my eyes, my hot, sexy boy."  
Sam helped him take his shoes off, placing them by the door and leading him to their bedroom where Jay tried to push off Sam’s advances, not wanting to do anything in the state he was in.  
“Come on Jay. Please?”  
Jay just mumbled out a no.  
“Why not? Don’t you love me?”  
Jay seemed to sober up as he was pushed onto the bed, “what? Of course I do?”  
“Then why don't you want to do this?”  
“Because I’m tired and drunk Sam”  
“That makes it more fun, you take more when you’re like this, let me have you how I want you.”  
“Sam -” Jay didn't get to finish his thought as Sam straddled his lap and helped lead him so he was lying on the bed now, pinned under him as he ran his lips over the sensitive parts of his neck and jaw before whispering sweet nothings in his ear, knowing it would make him come apart.  
Jay felt like putty in Sam’s hands, but part of his brain was yelling at him to get up, this wasn't right. So he started shifting about, trying to get free, and found that Sam wasn't having any of it, and they both ended up on the floor in the same position as earlier, which was not his intention.  
Looking up at Sam, Jay saw that rage that had been hidden the past week shine in his eyes and panicked.  
“What the hell is your problem? Am I not allowed to fuck my boyfriend? You’ve been good all this time and now is when you want to change that?” he spat out, putting more weight into his thighs as he sat lower on Jays hips.  
“I - I ju-just, Sam” he pleaded, knowing he didn’t want this, didn’t like how Sam was acting. He seemed to be taking pleasure in watching Jay struggle and beg.  
“Sam, stop. Come on its late. We -” he was cut off again as Sam managed to unbutton his jeans and pull them down to his knees all while attacking his neck, before he placed both hands either side of his throat and squeezed.  
Jay inhaled, both with Sam thrusting into him and the tightness against his throat. He pushed against Sam’s arms, digging into the crease of his elbows but to no avail. ‘What is going on? Why was he doing this? Was Sam more drunk than he thought?’ Jay couldn’t help but let his mind wander, trying to distract from the pain in his lower half. He could feel himself getting close to the edge, Sam panting above him, still holding his neck in a way he knows will be bruised in the morning.  
“I love you” Sam cried out as he came undone, running a hand down to help Jay along, catching his moan in a kiss, before pulling out and off the floor heading to the bathroom, kissing him again before he went, leaving Jay with a “see, I knew you wanted it”.  
Jay looked down at himself, still lying on his back on the floor, he took stock: his back hurt, his throat was tight and throbbing and his lower half was a mess. He heard Sam step out of the shower and climb into bed so he hopped in trying to wash off the evidence of what just happened, before heading out to sleep on the couch, hugging himself tight under the blanket, praying for sleep to come.

Morning came as he fell off the couch, finding it hard to breathe, his dreams mixing what happened last night to his time captive overseas.  
‘Oh god!’ Jay thought ‘last night…’ he didn’t even want to finish that thought, rushing off to the bathroom to inspect his neck seeing the dark purples forming in a wide circle, the only gap being the strip whereis adams apple was, the gap between thumbs. He quickly jumped into the shower, scrubbing himself raw to once again wash off what had happened, hoping that by scrubbing and scratching away he will be able to get rid of the feeling of his boyfriend pinning him down on the floor.  
He finished his morning routine in half the time, throwing on his jeans, clipping his gun and badge to his belt before grabbing one of his hoodies, hoping he would be able to position the hood in a way to cover the majority of his neck, before rushing out the door, phone and keys in hand. Not bothering to say goodbye to the ‘sleeping’ figure of his boyfriend in the bed, who watched him rush about and leave without so much as a second look towards him.

Jay managed to not crash or break any speed limits as he drove to work, arriving earlier than the rest so started the coffee machine in preparation of the others arriving and sat down at his desk organising his paperwork for the day and trying not to watch the clock, Sam's voice asking "don't you love me?" bouncing around and echoing in his head.  
His spiral was paused when he heard the buzz and clang of the gate on the stairs and re-adjusted his hood, ‘here we go’ he thought, as he watched his Sergeant appear from the back stairs and Adam and Kim appear from the front.

Setting up a fake smile he turned to them all calling out a calm “Morning!” praying no one would bother him today. He didn't hear their responses, just a steady stream of "don't you love me?" circling at the back of his mind.


End file.
